I'm too lazy to pray

Question:

I am a young Muslim man who believes in Allaah and His Messengers and His Books, praise be to Allaah. But sometimes I feel too lazy to pray. I am looking for a solution and a way to make me not be so lazy. Please note that this is what I want but the tricks of the Shaytaan are too strong.

Answer:

If a person truly believes in Allaah, His Messengers and His Books, and believes that prayer is obligatory and is the greatest pillar of Islam after the Shahaadatayn, we cannot imagine that he would neglect to pray or be careless in performing the prayers. Rather he would never feel at ease unless he performs this important ritual regularly. 

The more a person’s faith increases, the more he will be concerned to do that which Allaah has enjoined upon him, and this is also because of his strong faith. Hence the way to make you pray more regularly may be summed up as follows: 

1 – You should believe firmly that prayer is obligatory and that it is the greatest pillar of Islam. You should realize that a stern warning is issued to the one who neglects prayer, and he is a kaafir who is beyond the pale of Islam according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions, based on a great deal of evidence, such as the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Between a man and shirk and kufr there stands his giving up prayer.” Narrated by Muslim, 82. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The covenant that stands between us and them is prayer; whoever gives it up is a kaafir.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2621; al-Nasaa’i, 463; Ibn Maajah, 1079; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

2 – You should understand that delaying prayer beyond the time when it is due is a major sin, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Then, there has succeeded them a posterity who have given up As-Salaah (the prayers) [i.e. made their Salaah (prayers) to be lost, either by not offering them or by not offering them perfectly or by not offering them in their proper fixed times] and have followed lusts. So they will be thrown in Hell”

[Maryam 19:59] 

Ibn Mas’ood said concerning al-Ghayy [translated in the verse quoted above as Hell): This is a valley in Hell which is very deep and foul. 

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“So woe unto those performers of Salaah (prayers) (hypocrites),

5. Those who delay their Salaah (prayer from their stated fixed times)”

[al-Maa’oon :4,5] 

3 – You should strive to offer the prayers in congregation in the mosque, and not neglect any of them, knowing that praying in congregation in the mosque is obligatory according to the more sound of the two scholarly opinions, based on a great deal of evidence, such as the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Whoever hears the call to prayer and does not respond, his prayer is not valid unless he has an excuse.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 793; also by al-Daaraqutni and al-Haakim, who classed it as saheeh; also classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah. 

Muslim (653) narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: A blind man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not have anyone to guide me to the mosque,” and he asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to give him a dispensation allowing him to pray in his home and he allowed him that, then when he turned away he called him back and said: “Can you hear the call to prayer?’ He said, “Yes.” He said: “Then answer it.”

4 – There is the hope that if you adhere to that, you will be included among the seven whom Allaah will shade with His shade (on the Day of Resurrection), among whom is “a young man who grew up worshipping his Lord” and “a man whose heart was attached to the mosque”. Al-Bukhaari, 660; Muslim, 1031. 

5 – You will earn the great reward for prayer, especially prayer in congregation. In al-Saheehayn it is narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man’s prayer in congregation is twenty-five times better than his praying in his house or marketplace, because when he does wudoo’ and does it well, then goes out to the mosque, only going there to pray, he does not take a single step but he is raised in status and a sin is erased thereby. When he prays, the angels continue to send blessings upon him so long as he is still in the place where he prayed, (saying), ‘O Allaah, send blessings on him, O Allaah have mercy on him.’ And one of you is still in a state of prayer so long as he is waiting for the prayer.” 

Al-Bukhaari, 647; Muslim, 649. 

Muslim (232) narrated that ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Whoever does wudoo’ for prayer and does wudoo’ well, then walks to (perform) the prescribed prayer, and offers the prayer with the people or with the congregation or in the mosque, Allaah will forgive him his sins.” 

6 – You should read about the virtue of prayer, and the sin of those who are careless or too lazy to pray. We advise you in particular to read the book Al-Salaah, limadha (Prayer – why?) by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ismaa’eel al-Muqaddim; and listen to the lecture, “Limadha la tusalli (Why don’t you pray?) by Shaykh Muhammad Husayn Ya’qoob, as these will be very beneficial for you in sha Allaah. 

7 – You should choose good friends who are keen to pray and pay attention to that, and keep away from those who are the opposite, because a person is influenced by his friends. 

8 – Keep away from sin in all aspects of your life, and adhere to the rulings of sharee’ah in your dealings with others, especially with women, because sin is one of the things that most distract a person from doing acts of worship and increase the Shaytaan’s influence on him. 

We ask Allaah to make us and you among His righteous slaves and those who are close to Him.  

And Allaah knows best.

SOURCE:

Islamqa, Fatwa no. 47123

Marrying a man with a bad past

Question:

 I am 19 years old and just got engaged to a Lebanese Muslim fellow. After getting engaged to this person I found out that in the past he has been with other girls and intimate relationships, before marriage. Of course, I realize that in our religion that is very wrong. Now I am left with the decision of whether to go ahead and get married to this person or not. I personally think that I shouldn't be with a person who has done such things while my family says forgive and forget... However, I would like your opinion on this matter. Is it ideal and acceptable for someone like myself to marry a person of this nature even if it was his past.

 Answer:
 
What you should concentrate on is the way he is now: is he doing his religious duties, like the five daily prayers, etc., is he keeping away from haraam things, has he repented for what he did in the past? Or not? If he is keeping his duty towards Allaah, then this is the good commitment to religion that is required according to the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “If there comes to you with an offer of marriage (for your daughter, sister, etc.) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter, sister, etc, to) him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief on earth and widespread corruption.”
(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1004; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 270)

It is not permitted to bring up the past of a person who regrets it and has repented and given up his sin; rather, this should be covered up. “Whoever covers up his Muslim brother in this world, Allaah will cover him up in the Hereafter.” 

(A saheeh hadeeth reported by Imaam Ahmad; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6287)

But if a person is immoral and corrupt, and still has relationships from before, then you should never, ever agree to marry him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a mushrikah. And the woman who agrees to marry a mushrik or an adulterer, then she is either a prostitute or a mushrikah. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” [al-Noor 24:3]

Ibn Katheer said, commenting on the phrase Such a thing is forbidden to the believers: “i.e., (it is forbidden for) a man to marry an immoral woman, or for a chaste woman to marry an immoral man. Hence Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said that the marriage contract between a chaste man and an immoral woman is invalid, so long as she remains like this, unless she is asked to repent and she does so, in which case the contract becomes valid, otherwise it is not valid. Similarly, the marriage of a free, chaste woman to a promiscuous, immoral man is invalid unless he repents sincerely, because Allaah says Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” 

There is no secret about the mischief, misery and problems that result from marriage to an immoral man.

In many cases it is very difficult to get a true picture of a person and be sure about whether he is chaste or otherwise. But by researching, asking questions, consulting people and asking them for advice, whilst taking one’s time and asking Allaah for help, one can get answers. We ask Allaah to choose the best for you, to help you and to guide you. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

 

SOURCE:

Islamqa, Fatwa no.  2528

My Husband Doesn't Pray

Question:

My husband doesn't pray 5 times a day and constantly, I have encouraged him to do so with no avail. Since he hasn't taken heed of my requests I have withheld myself from engaging in intercourse with him. He exclaims that my actions are inappropriate, saying that it is blasphemous for me to use prayer as an incentive for intercourse. Is he correct?

Answer:

 

It should be known that the one who does not pray any of the prayers and persists in not doing so, according to the Sahaabah and the majority of scholars, is counted as a kaafir and it is not permissible to marry him or eat meat slaughtered by him. If the husband does not pray at all, then he is taking a very serious risk and it is not permissible for you to stay with him. You have to remind him and scare him with this. Withholding yourself from having intercourse with him is the right thing to do, until he starts to pray, because the one who does not pray is counted as a kaafir, as it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from the hadeeth of Jaabir that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 

“All that stands between a man and shirk and kufr is his giving up prayer.” And he also said:

“The covenant that separates us from them is salaah, and whoever gives up prayer is a kaafir.”

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Shaqeeq said: the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used not to count the giving up of any action as kufr, apart from prayer.” You have to warn your husband against neglecting the prayer. If he persists, it is not permissible for you to stay with him because you are a Muslim and he is something else. May Allaah help the Muslims to do what Allaah has commanded and to obey Him. You have to advise and scare him, and may Allaah bring about good for him through that.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

 

SOURCE:

Islamqa, Fatwa no.  4501

Repentance

A Muslim’s faith may become weak and he may be overwhelmed by his desires. The Shaytaan may make sin attractive to him, so he wrongs himself (commits sin) and falls into that which Allaah has forbidden. But Allaah is Kind to His slaves, and His mercy encompasses all things. Whoever repents after doing wrong, Allaah will accept his repentance, for Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful.  

“But whosoever repents after his crime and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then verily, Allaah will pardon him (accept his repentance). Verily, Allaah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful [al-Maa’idah 5:39 – interpretation of the meaning]   

Allaah is Forgiving and Generous. He commands all His slaves to repent sincerely so that they may gain the mercy of Allaah and His Paradise. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):   

“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)” [al-Tahreem 66:8]  

The gate of repentance is open to His slaves, until the sun rises from the west. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah spreads out His Hand at night to accept the repentance of those who did wrong during the day, and He spreads out His Hand during the day to accept the repentance of those who did wrong during the night. (This will continue) until the sun rises from the west.” 

(Narrated by Muslim, no. 2759)  

Sincere repentance is not merely the matter of words spoken on the tongue. Rather, the acceptance of repentance is subject to the condition that the person gives up the sin straight away, that he regrets what has happened in the past, that he resolves not to go back to the thing he has repented from, that he restores people’s rights or property if his sin involved wrongdoing towards others, and that he repents before the agony of death is upon him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“Allaah accepts only the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and foolishness and repent soon afterwards; it is they whom Allaah will forgive and Allaah is Ever All-Knower, All-Wise.

And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces one of them and he says: ‘Now I repent;’ nor of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them We have prepared a painful torment” [al-Nisaa’ 4:17-18]  

Allaah accepts repentance and is Merciful. He calls sinners to repent, so that He might forgive them: 

“…your Lord has written (prescribed) Mercy for Himself, so that if any of you does evil in ignorance, and thereafter repents and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then surely, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-An’aam 6:54 – interpretation of the meaning]   

Allaah is Kind to His slaves and loves those who repent. He accepts their repentance, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins, and He knows what you do”[al-Shooraa 42:25] 

 “Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”[al-Baqarah 2:222]  

When a kaafir becomes a Muslim, Allaah turns his bad deeds (sayi’aat) into good deeds (hasanaat), and forgives him all his previous sins, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“Say to those who have disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief), their past will be forgiven” [al-Anfaal 8:38]  

Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful, and He loves the repentance of His slaves. He commands them to repent so that He might forgive them. But the devils among mankind and the jinn want to turn people away from the truth and make them incline towards falsehood, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Allaah wishes to accept your repentance, but those who follow their lusts, wish that you (believers) should deviate tremendously away (from the Right Path) [al-Nisaa’4:27]  

The mercy of Allaah encompasses all things. If a person’s sins are very great and he has wronged himself very much, but he then repents, Allaah will accept his repentance and will forgive his sins no matter how great they are. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”[al-Zumar 39:53]  

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Our Lord comes down to the lowest heaven when one-third of the night remains, and says, ‘Who will call upon Me so that I may answer him? Who will ask Me so that I may give to him? Who will seek My forgiveness so that I may forgive him?’” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 758)  

Man is weak. If a person sins then he has to repent and seek forgiveness every time. Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful, and He is the One Who says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“And whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allaah’s forgiveness, he will find Allaah Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Nisaa’ 4:110]  

The Muslim is vulnerable to making mistakes and sins. So he has to repent and seek forgiveness repeatedly. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “By Allaah, I seek the forgiveness of Allaah and I turn to Him in repentance more than seventy times each day.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6307) 

Allaah loves the repentance of His slaves, and accept it. Indeed, He rejoices over it, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a person repents, Allaah rejoices more than one of you who found his camel after he lost it in the desert.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6309) 

From Usool al-Deen al-Islami by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem al-Tuwayjri

 

SOURCE:

Islamqa, Fatwa no.  14289

Treating Children Equally

Question:

There is no doubt that each individual has his own character that Allah has given to him. Although there are characteristics that are common to all human beings, people vary with regard to the way those characteristics are combined. My question is with regard to children: how can a father deal fairly with those differences and treat his children – male and female – equally when each of them has a different attitude and character that make the parents more favorably inclined towards some rather than others?

Answer:
 

1. Allah, may He be exalted, created His creation and caused them to vary in characteristics, nature and attitude. This is something real and visible, and these differences are common throughout the world. Even within one family differences may be seen between the children. There is great divine wisdom in that and it is indicative of Allah’s great power. 

2. It cannot be denied that  a father will feel more inclined towards the child who has good characteristics, whether physical or in his attitude, or is of a nature to which people are attracted, such as if he is cheerful, easygoing and kind. The fact that a child is male does not necessarily mean that a parent will be inclined towards him; rather we find that many fathers are more attached to their daughters, and so on. 

3. The father cannot be blamed for such inclinations, but it is not wise to express that in front of the children, because of the negative results that stem from that. But if he has only one child, then he may express all his feelings and no one will blame him for that. 

4. Many parents do not realise that showing preference to the child who is distinguished by good and attractive characteristics may be harmful to that child who is so distinguished. That may lead to making him proud and big headed, or it may lead him to become lazy or idle and rely on others to meet his needs. There is no doubt that such a child will never be of benefit to himself or to his parents or the rest of his family. 

5. The family in which the parents -- especially the father -- favours one of the children over the others causes many negative consequences, such as the following: 

(a)   The other children will be discouraged from succeeding or advancing in both religious and worldly terms

(b)  It may cause them to suffer psychological or physical illness.

(c)   It may lead to resentment against the favoured sibling, which may go as far as murder! 

Parents who favour some of their family over others are playing a role in the break-up and destruction of that family, because that favouritism sows the seeds of enmity, resentment and destructive envy among their children. So those who are less favoured may gang up on the one who is favoured over them, and even against their parents. The one who ponders the story of Yoosuf (peace be upon him) and sees what they did to him and his other brother will clearly see that what we are saying is true. Allah, may He be exalted, has told us the reason why they did that to their brother Yoosuf. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“When they said: ‘Truly, Yoosuf (Joseph) and his brother (Benjamin) are dearer to our father than we, while we are ‘Usbah (a strong group). Really, our father is in a plain error.

9. ‘Kill Yoosuf (Joseph) or cast him out to some (other) land, so that the favour of your father may be given to you alone, and after that you will be righteous folk (by intending repentance before committing the sin)’”

[Yoosuf 12:8, 9].

There is no doubt that Ya‘qoob (peace be upon him) was not mistreating those other sons of his; the only thing that made them do that was his feelings of love towards his son Yoosuf (peace be upon him). So how about the case of brothers whose father has wronged them by giving to one of their brothers what he did not give to them? 

6. One of the most well-known ways in which parents favour some of their children over others is with regard to giving, which is something that is forbidden according to the laws of Allah. Among the bad effects that result from this kind of favouritism is that it causes children to be disobedient towards their parents, so that they do not all treat their parents with the same level of respect and kindness. Our Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) drew attention to that and clearly stated that favouritism in giving is wrongdoing and unfair. 

It was narrated that al-Nu‘maan ibn Basheer (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: My father took me to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, bear witness that I have given such and such of my wealth to al-Nu‘maan.” He said: “Did you give to all your children the same as you have given to al-Nu‘maan?” He said: “No.” He said: “Let someone else bear witness to that for you.” Then he said: “Would you not like all your children to honour you equally?” He said: “Yes.” He said: “Then no (I will not bear witness).”  

Narrated by Muslim (3059). 

Just as Allah, may He be exalted, has forbidden this favouritism among children in giving, He has also forbidden something else, namely making a bequest to any one of them. He has forbidden making a bequest to an heir (one who automatically inherits according to sharee‘ah). All these rulings are in the best interests of the family and lay the foundations for family unity, not division.  

7. The father should realize that not one of his children is perfect. If he favours one of his children for some reason, if he is fair-minded he will also find that the child has some other, negative, characteristics. The opposite may also be said of those whom he does not favour: many of them may have many positive qualities. A child who is loved for the way he moves and speaks may not be able to help the family by buying groceries from the store, and he may not be good at welcoming and serving guests. Parents should pay attention to that. They should encourage the good characteristics of their children and help them to develop them, and not expect the others to be the same. Each person will be helped to do that for which he was created. One of them may love to work, another may love to seek knowledge; a third may love to deal in trade. Some of them may have characteristics that are not found in others. The wise father tries to develop that and makes them complement one another. If he praises the positive characteristics in one child, he should also praise the positive characteristics in others, so that there will be no destructive envy or resentment among them, by Allah’s leave and with His help. 

8.By the same token, parents should also beware of scolding children for their mistakes and demanding that one child be like his brother So and so. Rather he should mention to him relatives or neighbours of the same age, or encourage him to develop good characteristics whilst discouraging bad characteristics, without mentioning anyone in particular, because comparing him with a sibling who is better than him in this case would generate enmity and resentment between them. 

9.It is not fair for the father to treat the disobedient one among his children the same as he treats the one who obeys him, otherwise the obedient one will not have any advantages. He has to make it clear that the one who does good -- such as helping his mother in the house or memorizing Qur’aan -- will have a reward, whereas the one who behaves badly will be deprived of it or penalized -- according to whatever misdemeanours the children may commit. Of course, we do not mean here that he should give him a gift -- we have explained above that doing that is haraam; rather we mean that he should praise him by saying good things, or giving him more pocket money, or he can let him play a permissible game for longer than the one who misbehaved, and so on. This is the fairness that we encourage in parents; not treating all of them -- those who behave well and those who behave badly -- in the same manner, otherwise it would be unfair to the one who is obedient. 

The father has the right to withhold from the one who is stubbornly disobedient the money with which he commits sin; in fact it is obligatory for the father to do that, so that he can prevent his child from doing that which angers his Lord, may He be exalted. 

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allah al-Jibreen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I will not bear witness to unfairness,” meaning that if the father was more inclined towards one of them, then he may be called unfair or unjust, but it may be that doing that is permissible if the one whom he favours is righteous and the other one is an evildoer and sinner. If he tries to set him straight and fails, and the child becomes disobedient and defiant towards his parents and disobedient towards Allah, turning away from Him and from worship, and indulging in consuming intoxicants and committing evil deeds and sins, and his parents cannot set him straight --- in that case, there is nothing to stop the parents (treating their children differently). In that case it is permissible for them to overlook the issue of equality and not treat him the same as others. Rather they should be strict in dealing with him, even if they deprive him of their care or spending on him, or they penalize him in a way that will bring him back to the right path, with the help of Allah. 

Duroos al-Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (1/23) 

10. Another matter we advise parents to do is to direct their children’s feelings towards the one among their siblings who deserves compassion and love. For example, one of the children may have a disability, so the parents should direct their children to show compassion and love towards their sibling before themselves. In this way they will ensure that the one who has the disability will be given his share of compassion, and they will ensure that there will be no ill feeling between them and their sibling. 

11. No matter what the differences in the characters and natures of the children, fairness between them in visible matters is something that is prescribed in Islam. If the father pays the marriage expenses for one of them, he should also do that for each of them who wants to get married. If he pays for the medical treatment of one of them who falls sick, he should do the same for whoever needs treatment. If he contributes to the education of one of them, he should do the same for the others too -- so long as it falls within the category of permissible education. The same may also be said with regard to maintenance and clothing. He should treat all of his children fairly with regard to this matter. But we do not say that it should be the same; rather it should be fair. What we mean by that is that he should give each of them what is sufficient for him. Indeed, some of the salaf were of the view that it is mustahabb to be fair with children in the matter of kissing them! 

Imam al-Baghawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said, commenting on the hadeeth of al-Nu‘maan ibn Basheer quoted above: 

There are many lessons to be learned from this hadeeth, such as: it is mustahabb to treat children equally in gift-giving and in all kinds of kindness, even kisses, whether they are male or female, so that there will not be anything in the heart of the less-favoured one that will keep him from honouring the parents. 

Sharh al-Sunnah, 8/297

 It was narrated that Ibraaheem al-Nakha‘i said: They regarded it as mustahabb for a man to treat his children equally even with regard to kissing. 

Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah, 11/221 

Similarly, he should not favour any child over another. This does not mean that he should have the same feelings towards all of them, because that is something that the father does not have control over. Rather he has control over being fair towards them in outward matters, as is the case with one who has more than one wife: he is not forbidden to love one of his wives more than another, but at the same time he is enjoined to treat them fairly with regard to that which he has control over, namely being fair with regard to outward matters such as maintenance, spending the night with them, and clothing.  

We ask Allah to enable you to do that which pleases Him, and to help you to achieve fairness among your children. 

And Allah knows best.

SOURCE:

Islamqa, Fatwa no. 145050

Acceptance of repentance

Making mistakes and falling short are undoubtedly part of human nature and no one will be free of shortcomings in his obedience to Allaah, or free of mistakes or forgetfulness or sins. All of us fall short, commit sins, and make mistakes. Sometimes we turn to Allaah and sometimes we turn away from Him.

Sometimes we remember that Allaah is watching and sometimes we become negligent. None of us is free of sin, and we will inevitably make mistakes. We are not infallible. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if you did not commit sin Allaah would do away with you and bring people who would commit sin then pray for forgiveness.” Narrated by Muslim, 2749. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2499; classed as hasan by al-Albaani. 

By His mercy towards weak man, Allaah has opened the gate of repentance to him, and has commanded him to turn to Him, every time sin overwhelms him. Were it not for that, man would suffer a great deal of hardship and would not have the drive to draw closer to his Lord; he would lose all hope of His forgiveness and pardon. Repentance is something that is necessary as a result of man’s shortcomings and human failings.

Allaah has enjoined repentance on all kinds of people in this ummah: those who are foremost in good deeds, those who follow a middle course, and those who wrong their own selves by doing haraam things (cf. Faatir 35:32). 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful”

[al-Noor 24:31] 

“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance!”

[al-Tahreem 66:8] 

And the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, repent to Allaah and seek His forgiveness, for I repent one hundred times a day.” Narrated by Muslim, 2702 from the hadeeth of al-Agharr al-Muzani (may Allaah be pleased with him). 

Allaah has bestowed His mercy and encompassed His slaves with his kindness. He is Forbearing and does not punish us or destroy us straightaway, rather He gives us respite, and He commanded His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to proclaim His generosity: 

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Zumar 39:53 – interpretation of the meaning]. 

And He says, out of kindness towards His slaves (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Will they not turn with repentance to Allaah and ask His forgiveness? For Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Maa'idah 5:74] 

“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”

[Ta-Ha 20:82] 

“And those who, when they have committed Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allaah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but Allaah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:135] 

“And whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allaah’s forgiveness, he will find Allaah Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Nisa’ 4:110] 

Allaah calls to repentance those who committed the gravest form of shirk and sin, those who say that ‘Eesa (peace be upon him) is the son of God – exalted be Allaah far above what the wrongdoers say. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Will they not turn with repentance to Allaah and ask His forgiveness? For Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Maa’idah 5:74] 

And He opens the door of repentance to the hypocrites, who are worse than the kuffaar who openly show their kufr. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depth (grade) of the Fire; no helper will you find for them.

146. Except those who repent (from hypocrisy), do righteous good deeds, hold fast to Allaah, and purify their religion for Allaah (by worshipping none but Allaah, and do good for Allaah’s sake only, not to show off), then they will be with the believers. And Allaah will grant the believers a great reward”

[al-Nisa’ 4:145-146] 

One of the attributes of the Lord is that He accepts repentance and rejoices over it by His grace. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins, and He knows what you do”

[al-Shoora 42:25] 

“Know they not that Allaah accepts repentance from His slaves and takes the Sadaqaat (alms, charity), and that Allaah Alone is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful?”

[al-Tawbah 9:104] 

It was narrated that Abu Hamzah Anas ibn Maalik al-Ansaari (may Allaah be pleased with him), the servant of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah rejoices more over the repentance of His slave than any one of you who finds his camel after having lost it in a desolate land.” Agreed upon.  

According to a report narrated by Muslim (2747): “Allaah rejoices more over the repentance of His slave than any one of you if he is on his camel in a desolate land, then it runs away from him and on it is his food and drink, and he despairs of finding it, so he goes to a tree and lies down in its shade, having despaired of finding his camel, then while he is like that, it suddenly appears in front of him and he takes hold of its reins and says, because of his intense joy, ‘O Allaah, You are my slave and I am your lord,’ making this mistake because of the intensity of his joy.”  

It was narrated from Abu Moosa ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qays al-Ash’ari (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah spreads out His hand at night to accept the repentance of the one who sinned during the day, and He spreads out His hand by day to accept the repentance of the one who sinned during the night, (and that will continue) until the sun rises from the west.” Narrated by Muslim, 2759. 

It was narrated from Abu ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will accept the repentance of His slave so long as the death-rattle has not yet reached his throat.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3537; classed as hasan by al-Albaani. 

Secondly: The blessings of repentance come in this world and in the Hereafter, some are visible and some are hidden. The rewards of repentance are: purity of heart, erasing of sins and increasing of hasanaat (good deeds). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise) the Day that Allaah will not disgrace the Prophet (Muhammad) and those who believe with him. Their Light will run forward before them and (with their Records Books of deeds) in their right hands. They will say: ‘Our Lord! Keep perfect our Light for us [and do not put it off till we cross over the Siraat (a slippery bridge over the Hell) safely] and grant us forgiveness. Verily, You are Able to do all things’”

[al-Tahreem 66:8] 

The reward of repentance is a good life in the shade of faith, contentment, peace of mind and tranquility. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Seek the forgiveness of your Lord, and turn to Him in repentance, that He may grant you good enjoyment, for a term appointed, and bestow His abounding Grace to every owner of grace (i.e. the one who helps and serves the needy and deserving, physically and with his wealth, and even with good words)”

[Hood 11:3] 

The reward of repentance is blessings coming down from heaven, blessings coming from the earth, an increase in one’s wealth and offspring, blessings in productivity, good physical health and protection from diseases. Allaah says of Hood (peace be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And O my people! Ask forgiveness of your Lord and then repent to Him, He will send you (from the sky) abundant rain, and add strength to your strength, so do not turn away as Mujrimoon (criminals, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah)”

[Hood 11:52] 

Thirdly: Everyone who repents to Allaah, Allaah accepts his repentance. The caravan of those who have repented to Allaah will not be interrupted until the sun rises from the west. 

One repented from banditry, another from adultery, and others from drinking alcohol, taking drugs, severing the ties of kinship, not praying or being too lazy to pray in congregation, disobeying parents, dealing in riba (usury) and bribes, stealing, shedding blood, consuming people’s wealth unlawfully, or smoking. Anyone who repents to Allaah from any sin is to be congratulated, because it is as if they have been born anew through their sincere repentance. 

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed Sa’d ibn Maalik ibn Sinaan al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There was among the people who came before you a man who killed ninety-nine people. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth, and was directed to a hermit, so he went to him, told him that he had killed ninety-nine people, and asked if he could be forgiven. The hermit said, ‘No,’ so he killed him, thus completing one hundred. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth and was directed to a scholar. He told him that he had killed one hundred people, and asked whether he could be forgiven. The scholar said, ‘Yes, what could possibly come between you and repentance? Go to such-and-such a town, for in it there are people who worship Allaah. Go and worship with them, and do not go back to your own town, for it is a bad place.” So the man set off, but when he was halfway there, the angel of death came to him, and the angels of mercy and the angels of wrath began to argue over him. The angels of mercy said: ‘He had repented and was seeking Allaah.’ The angels of wrath said: ‘He never did any good thing.’ An angel in human form came to them, and they asked him to decide the matter. He said: ‘Measure the distance between the two lands (his home town and the town he was headed for), and whichever of the two he is closest to is the one to which he belongs.’ So they measured the distance, and found that he was closer to the town for which he had been headed, so the angels of mercy took him.” (Agreed upon). 

According to a version narrated by Muslim (2716): “He was closer to the righteous town by a handspan, so he was counted among its people.”

According to a version narrated by al-Bukhaari (3470): “Allaah commanded (the righteous town) to draw closer and (the evil town) to move away, and he said: “Measure the distance between them,’ and he was found to be closer to (the righteous town) by a handspan, so he was forgiven.” 

According to a version narrated by Muslim: “He leaned with his chest towards it”.  

What is meant by repentance is returning to Allaah, giving up sin and hating it, and regretting falling short in obedience to Allaah. Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

Repentance is essential from every sin, even if it is something between a person and Allaah and has nothing to do with the rights of another person. There are three conditions of repentance: 

1-     You should give up the sin

2-     You should regret having done it

3-     You should resolve never to go back to it. 

If one of these three is missing, then your repentance is not sincere. If the sin has to do with the rights of another person, then there are four conditions: the three mentioned above and restoring the rights of that person. If it is money or property, etc, it must be returned to him; if it had to do with slandering him etc, then you should allow him to insult him in return, or ask for his forgiveness; if it had to do with backbiting about him, then you have to ask for his pardon. It is essential to repent from all sins; if a person repents from some, his repentance from the sins from which he repented is valid – according to the scholars who follow the right path – but he must still repent from the rest as well. 

Based on the above, if these conditions are met by the person who is repenting, then there is the hope that his repentance will be accepted, by Allaah’s leave. After that he should not worry about waswaas (whispers) suggesting that his repentance is not accepted, because that is from the Shaytaan and is contrary to what Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) have told us, that repentance is accepted if it is sincere.

SOURCE:
Islamqa, Fatwa no.  46683

Why should the wife obey her husband?

Question:

Why is it that when people get married the women has to do what the man says ?

Answer:

What the Muslim has to do when he learns the ruling of Islam is to submit to it and believe in it even if he does not know the wisdom behind it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error”

[al-Ahzaab 33:36] 

He should be certain that there is the utmost wisdom behind all the rulings of Islam, but that wisdom may be hidden and he may not understand it. In that case he should realize that this is due to his lack of knowledge and the shortcomings of human intellect, which is not free of defects. 

When a man and a woman come together in marriage and live together, there are bound to be differences in opinion between them, and one party must have the final say in order to resolve the issue, otherwise the differences will multiply and disputes will increase. So there has to be someone in charge, otherwise the marriage will founder. 

Hence Islam made the husband the protector and maintainer of the wife and gave him the responsibility of heading the household, because he is more perfect in rational thinking than her in most cases. This means that it is obligatory for her to obey him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34] 

Among the reasons for that are the following: 

1 – Men are more able to bear this responsibility, just as women are more able than men to take care of the children and the household affairs. So each of them has his or her natural role and position.

2 – In Islam, men are obliged to spend on their wives; the wife does not have to work or earn a living. Even if she has an independent income or she becomes rich, the husband is still obliged to spend on her as much as she needs. Because he bears the responsibility of spending, he is made the protector and maintainer of his wife and is put in charge (of the household). 

Hence we see chaos in the societies which go against that: men do not shoulder the responsibility of spending on their wives, and wives are not obliged to obey their husbands; they go out of the home whenever they want and leave the marital nest empty and neglect their children. A woman has to work hard even if that is at the expense of her house and family. 

We should also take note of the following points: 

1 – The woman will be rewarded by Allaah for her obedience to her husband. 

2 – This obedience should not involve disobeying Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” 

3 – Just as the husband has the right to be obeyed, Islam also tells him to treat his wife kindly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”

[al-Baqarah 2:228] 

So he should not mistreat or oppress her, or issue harsh commands to her. Rather he should deal with her in a wise manner, and tell her to do things which are in her interests, his interests and the interests of the household, in a kind and gentle manner. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.”.

 

~ Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

 

SOURCE:

Islamqa, Fatwa no.  13661